Last night I watched a re-run episode of one of my favorite programs on tv, Cold Case. This episode, entitled “A Good Death” was about this ruthless rich man named Jay, who had all the money,the power, but no cure for his malignant brain tumor. He was suffering in pain, he was dying. But he was a cruel man. His words caused deep pain to anyone who displeased him. Everyone around him seemed to hate him, and probably even wished for his death. His untimely death was caused by an overdose of morphine, and it was done deliberately. And that was the cold case mystery. The investigators had to find out who did it.

In this episode, I was so moved by his wife, Caroline. She seemed to despise him so much, and yet, she seemed to care for him too. It was like, no matter how callous and cruel he was, she was still around for him… especially at this time he obviously needed her most. Despite the fact that she was one of the prime suspects in the case, I couldn’t see Caroline as the criminal because she cared for him. She took all his humiliating words in stride, and remained by his side no matter how hurt she was. Because of his illness, Jay was having hallucinations of an event he could not recall in his life. No one could tell what he was seeing until he finally realized that it was actually a special day in their family life… a day he set aside his work just to spend time with his family on the beach.

The episode had a sad, but meaningful ending. It turned out that it was the wife who gave her husband the morphine, just to end his excruciating pain. He asked her to do it for him.. as he could not bear it anymore. And she couldn’t bear his pain either. Before it all happened, she showed him a picture of them as a family on that beach, on that very special day they had together as a family. He requested her to remember him the way he was when they were at the shore … and then told her that he loved her. It was so emotional that I almost cried on that particular scene…

Anyway, as I watched the previous scenes where the wife Caroline would bear the harsh words of her sick husband, I could recall how things were with some people that I cared for so much. For me, Caroline is such an admirable person. I don’t think I could do what she did. She forgave him, even if he did not apologize for all the pain he caused her… she was wonderful.

Last night, while hubby and I were exchanging thoughts about certain people and events in my life, he made me realize how much, much more fortunate I am now, and will ever be, than those who have hurt me in the past. Our talk was like an eye-opener to me, that maybe it’s time I opened my heart to start forgiving without waiting for an apology. It was a realization that maybe they just can’t say it, who knows. Maybe they know how much pain they’ve caused, and just maybe they are, deep inside themselves, embarrassed for what they’ve done. Well, who knows, right… We’re all human. We all make mistakes in life. And I guess it would be a nice thing to be able to forgive and to straighten up things while we’re still alive and have a good death at the end… isn’t that a wonderful thought?

 watch this episode at casttv.com

GOOD DAY

Paul Westerberg

Good day doesn’t have to be a Friday
Doesn’t need to be your birthday
The next one then you won’t survive
Sing along hold my life
A good day is any day that you’re alive
Yes a good day is any day that you’re alive

Asked me mmmm, you had to ask me
In the dreams you tell me
Tell them only you were tired
Sing along hold my life
A good day is any day that you’re alive
Yeah, a good day is any day that you’re alive

Hold my life one last time
A good day is any day that you’re alive
Yes a good day is any day that you’re alive
Yes a good day is any day that you’re alive
These are the days